Aug

What I learned from the nightclub experience: guilt is completely unnecessary

Val on August 21st, 2008

This morning I had a revelation: guilt is totally unnecessary.

This, in spite of the fact that everyone I know has some measure of guilt about something.

It’s completely unnecessary.

There’s never a reason or cause to feel guilt, and by the time you finish reading this post you may think a little differently about it, even if you’re calling this idea crazy right now.

How could guilt be totally unnecessary when there are things we’ve done that we know weren’t good? We look back at the incidents, people and situations in our past and we see a myriad of things to feel guilty about: treating people wrong, lying to folks, taking things that didn’t belong to us, doing spiteful things to people because we felt angry at the time…the list of our past offenses can be as long as long as we want to make it.

The point is: when the past is viewed aright, everything changes.

I’ll give you an example. This morning, during my quiet time with Spirit, an old memory came up that I felt really guilty about.

One night, several years ago, I wanted to go to a night club with my girlfriends. My girlfriends and I all had young children at the time, mine were probably around 6 and 9 then. I didn’t have anyone to watch my kids that night. I thought of a babysitter I used sometimes and called her. The babysitter, who was a teen then, watched my kids for me at my home on occasion, but this time, she couldn’t come over to my house because she was watching someone else’s kids that night, at their house. She said she could watch my kids at the other family’s house that night if I didn’t mind bringing them over.

I said okay.

When I got to the house, all dolled up with my nightclub clothes on, ready to hang out with my girlfriends and dance the night away, a red flag came up. The house was dirty. It seemed chaotic. The smell told me that the folks who lived there didn’t mind dirt, and in fact, had an intimate relationship with it.

My little inner voice said, “don’t leave your kids here, all three of you get out of here as fast as your six legs can carry you…”

My lower nature, who only wanted to have fun and hang out said, “It’ll be okay, I’ll only be gone for a few hours…the kids don’t have to live here…besides, I’m all dressed up, ready to hang out…I deserve to have a good time…”

Can you guess which voice won?

So, I left the kids and went to the nightclub with a nagging feeling in my gut. I didn’t really enjoy myself that night, and I can’t even remember what I did, other than worry and feel guilty.

I didn’t realize, until this morning, that the guilt over that night was still with me. It was true I felt guilty that night, and for the longest afterward. I felt I had put my kids at risk in a strange place, and I knew a red flag had come up about it.

This morning, the memory of that night came up again, (which I was surprised about because it was so long ago and I hadn’t thought about it in years) yet it didn’t feel the same as the other times it came up. Previously, whenever this memory came up, sadness and pity for my kids would creep up with it. This morning, it was different.

I had an instantaneous knowing from the quiet inner voice of wisdom:

“There are no victims.
There are only co-creators of experiences.”

What? What do you mean there are no victims? Of course there are victims, my kids were the victims of anything that could have happened in that chaotic house that night, and it’s all my fault!

The voice, unperturbed, quietly reiterated the inner knowing:

“There are no victims.
There are only co-creators of experiences.”

Then, in an instant, I experienced a mighty relief of old stuff that, unbeknownst to my conscious mind, had been with me for over a decade.

When I came out of meditation and prayer, I was changed. Really, really changed. I felt it in my core. It felt amazing. That’s what release from old stuff feels like, amazing.

What I now know about guilt is that it has three foundations that hold it securely in place:

1. An old story. Guilt can only exist within the context and confines of an old story. The story is the way we think things happened, whether they actually happened that way or not. The story is a twisted conglomeration of what we’ve invented about ourselves and others surrounding events that occurred.

Note: An old story is any story about something that happened in the past. The past can be yesterday or 20 years ago. Any time that is other than this right now moment, and that you are remembering, is the past. Ten minutes ago is just as much the past as 40 years ago. None of it is taking place in the holy Now.

2. The feelings that get stirred up whenever you remember or recount the old story. Every story has feelings attached to and embedded within it, from the fun and happy times stories we tell at family reunions to the gloom and doom stories we tell to anyone who’ll listen, they all elicit feelings.

3. An interpretation of the story which casts you in the role of villain.
You can’t have guilt unless you feel you did something wrong, or that you should have never done what you did, or that you should have known better. Since you did the deed anyway, you cast yourself as some kind of villain; there’s now a sinister and evil twist to what you did. What you did gets labeled as bad, which means you label yourself, or part of yourself, as bad. The next step from the judgment of bad being pronounced is the certainty of punishment. After all, bad people get punished. So, off you go, punishing yourself.

Now that we’ve seen the madness of guilt, how do we get rid of it?

Valerie, this blog is about making me feel better, inspiring me to live a life of excellence and destiny, so how do I do it? How? How? How?

Okay, okay…here’s what came to me this morning:

RELEASE

I know it sounds incredibly simple, the truth always is.

Well, how do I RELEASE the guilt?

Excellent question. Here’s the formula, in the form of an acronym for the word R.E.L.E.A.S.E.:

R - Right view. Acquiring the right view changes everything. There are no victims, there are only co-creators of experiences. That’s a powerful thought, because it means you can’t victimize anyone, nor is it possible for you to be victimized. Each of us is co-creating our life experience, and we draw to us people who are co-creating a life experience that overlaps with ours.

For instance, one way to look at my story is how I had looked at it previously: in the story I made up, I was an unfit mother who was so selfish she left her kids in a place that wasn’t safe. This is a sure-fire guilt inducing story, which doesn’t take into consideration the truth: we are each and all only doing the best we can at the time.

When we take the right view and see that each of us is co-creating our life experience, we ask: what’s here for me to learn? Why am I co-creating this life experience?

I was learning the lessons I needed to learn on my unique path, as were my children, as was the babysitter, as was everyone else involved.

Either way, there are no victims, only co-creators of life experience.

Seeing victims and victimizers keeps guilt in place.

Acquiring and holding the right view is the pre-cursor to releasing guilt.

E - Energy is everything. Our personal energy quality is intricately connected with how much guilt we choose to carry. When you see a person whose head is bowed and whose shoulders are drooped, you know something’s going on with the way that person feels. The more guilt we carry, the lower and denser our energy field becomes.

Guilt is a stagnant, heavy energy and is debilitating.

The antithesis of guilt is freedom.

L - Love. Love washes away everything. Everything. Pour enough love in the form of compassion and forgiveness on yourself and it will melt away years of guilt. And it can happen in an instant, if you let it.

E - Ease. The manner in which you choose to release your guilt can be easy. Mine was a very gentle and easy release this morning, because I’ve asked the Universe to deliver any messages to me in the most gentle and loving ways, and I’ve made it my intention to be extra alert and aware to every little message. With this agreement between me and the Universe in place (that my messages will be delivered gently and I’ll pay very close attention) things can unfold with ease.

Try it.

A - Affirm. Affirm that you are ready, willing and able to release old stuff, including all guilt. Your willingness and your affirmation will begin the process, and indeed carry you through.

Most people still carry around all that old, heavy baggage because they affirm the guilt-they keep telling the same stories over and over, which holds the guilt firmly in place, even deepening it.

Free yourself.

Affirm that you are ready, willing and able to RELEASE.

S - Salvation is at hand. I know salvation can be a loaded word, it has so many meanings. Yet, there is salvation in release. When you let go of old stuff, the Holy Spirit rushes in and in-fills and in-dwells those newly created empty spaces. Nature abhors a vacuum and will not abide one for very long. As soon as you release old stuff, grace rushes in to fill the inner space with love. Your soul is saved.

E - Elegance. Pray for it all to happen within yourself with great elegance, which means the least amount of effort is expended for the greatest result. Don’t work hard at it. Relax and allow. Trust that it will all unfold in it’s own due season, in the perfect manner for your soul’s growth and understanding. Elegantly.